That's the opposite to hot property to you and me. I'm on the look out all the time for signs i'm not in the clique, why is University even like that? Thousands of pounds to feel like a spare part, but i'm slowly realising i'm not the only one who feels this way, not as much of a conciliation as you may think. I get paranoid that when i sneeze no one says "bless you", like this is proof of my social ineptness.
So i continue to plough through, days endlessly march on and i become less and less sure of myself, my only victory is that i do carry on, i'm dragging myself by the reluctant ear to what is hopefully a brighter horizon. Your only young once and perhaps for me, once will be enough.
I'm still having persistent daydreams about a certain chinless wonder. Is that a little harsh? Well it's how i deal with his continuous presence in my subconscious life. I have little conversations sometimes with him in my head, about the useless bits of information i find interesting. The latest brit film or BBC 4 broadcast. Where would you like to run away too and why i can't figure out what it is about him. I remember, it wasn't love at first sight, it was more like dismissiveness at first glance. The love seemed to grow with my delusions. It's a low part of life right now, i'm such a proud creature and he brings me down, even the mention of his name brings the shame of the happiness i feel when i hear it.
So, i'm in props and stage management, my rotations, the ones i've been waiting to be in all year. Going to be the ASM at the Tristan Bates with the rest of my lovely drama queens and the wonderful Beth who i've recently become aquatinted with. Slowing figuring things out, the name of the game, the big idea, the point, getting with it. Once i've solved the riddle of human nature and how to deal with it perhaps it might be time to deal with my own strange little errors. So many big plans, so many castles to build and demons to conquer. But i'm happy, as happy as a 19 year old University student sat in a SU bar with her gay best friend avoiding doing work can be. I have vodka though, it evens things out, usually in my favour.
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Mood:
Tired -
Listening to: East15 open mic night.
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Drinking: Vodka and coke.
Sta.sh
!!
!!
Have a wonderful day 
